Ides of Solitude

How fragile and fearful our world is of the things that are beyond our control... This past year (2020), has redefined my concept of solitude in a way that I and many others have never experienced before. Unexpectedly thrown into a world of aloneness and segregation from society due to the Covid-19 Pandemic is not something I would wish upon anyone, especially to those who rely heavily on their interactions and relationships with others for their mental well-being and success as an individual. Having experienced these impacts firsthand, I often found myself for days upon days with nothing to do but burry my head deep into the abyss that is my artform of composition. A career in composition in itself is already a lonely one, when you consider the number of hours you sit alone with your thoughts, developing your ideas, writing and re-writing sections again and again until just perfect. Fingers at the keyboard, and head in your score, I found myself experiencing a solitude unlike any other. A position where you go out anywhere in public, for a walk, to the grocery store, to the gas station, and people are genuinely scared…scared of you, your friends, and your family, if you come even a little bit close to them at all. How fragile and fearful our world is of the things that are beyond our control... To have lived through and experienced essentially a wasted year in our already short lives seems almost unthinkable. But as I worked day after day, playing, writing, and listening in this seclusion, it allowed myself to gain an appreciation for the calm; to experience our ever growing and better-connected world that we live in at a standstill; to finally take the time to question who I am, and what I want… In Ides of Solitude, I pose this question to performers or listeners alike¬¬—was any of this really wasted time? Or was this just what you needed to better gain a sense of appreciation, self-respect, and mindfulness once given the opportunity to seize control over our lives again?