Phantasm for String Orchestra & Percussion

This piece is dedicated to a late student of mine who was tragically murdered in her sleep. It was the first time I had ever lost a student and the circumstances surrounding her demise made me feel levels of grief and anger I never knew existed. In the aftermath of her death, I came up with a brief melody that I hummed and saved in an audio note. Over time, I began to unpack all of my feelings into that melody and it became my way of healing and paying homage to a great human being that was taken way too soon. The work itself describes the dissonance between her dreams and the reality that was taking place around her. It begins with a hymn-like motif that evolves into a rich fantasy of harmonies to paint her colorful dreamworld. As the piece progresses, we see that world become polluted by elements of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. The percussion introduces her heart rate, and the struggle she must have felt in the decision to wake up or stay under. As the snare drum hits, she is shot for the first time with the second shot ending her dream. The return of the harmonics introduce her journey toward the light as her cognition slowly wanes to a halt. While the subject matter of this work is very dark, it should not be avoided when describing the piece to performers. This work immortalizes a pain felt by many educators, parents, and students in a world where a lack of gun control and a cognitive lethargy on the part of policy makers continue to create an environment where this type of violence will continue. As such, this piece is not meant to make listeners feel comfortable. It is meant to cause distress, to disrupt, to open wounds, so that we may never forget why we continue to push for a better future for our kids.